guitar through the floorboards

failings of a teenage wannabe

Leigh — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 12:29:07 +0000

Most notably that I fail at anything I want to be. Basically, I fucked up my end of years. There’s no way in hell’s name I’m going to get good the good GCSEs I need to anything with my life.

I’m going to ruin it, plain and simple and purely because I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing and can’t be arse to find out. Yes, I’m whining, no I’m not going to change, piss off. I don’t care what you say anyway.

shaky fingers

Leigh — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 18:38:48 +0000

Thankfully I didn’t have to hand my options choices in today, the deadline’s sometime next week but I was too busy sighing with relief to notice.I made the decision shakily, I’m choosing Drama, Geography and Religious Studies. On average their my three top subjects (not including English), although I really sucked at the end-of-year exams. I’m aiming not to repeat that particular fiasco.

But I’ve got the form, got the subjects, just need to scribble them, get my parents to sign and voila!

I think my heads going to implode. Or I’m going to throw up. Possibly both.

Help Me.

ch-ch-ch-changes

Leigh — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 17:54:11 +0000

The new head got rid of the bells! What?

I like her for the most part, she’s got a sense of humor, is nice, dedicated to the school, blah, blah, blah all that fluffy stuff… but honestly! The bells?

She said it’s because beyond school we don’t have bells for anything which is, yeah, kind of the point. Schools in their very definition are bells. Look at all the school poetry you see around! Bells! And we do too have bells for things beyond school! Alarm clocks! Watch alarms, PDAs, beepers and all that bollocks. They chaperon our lives! She says it’s now our responsibility to check the time but honestly! It’s confoundedly irritating, I’m not 1oo% sure why. It just is.

wonderfulland

Leigh — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 12:00:51 +0000

School again tomorrow, fabulous. I can almost remember a time when I didn’t mind so much but it’s too far from my reach. I guess I’ll have to let it stay.

I don’t mind seeing my friends, classmates but the holidays is what we live for after all and we can see each other out of school if we wish it so.

I hate school.

And I’m spending my last day of freedom get my hair plaited. Not that I dislike that of course… well actually, I do but what I mean is that I’m ever grateful to Auntie whenever she does it and I like talking to her and listening to her talk to my mum, I like the warmth. I just dislike getting my hair done in the sense I have to sit around until my butt goes numb and try and navigate through TV channels with a pissy Sky box with a hormonal remote.

Oh, and it’s cold outside and I have to actually get dressed.

But, alas, first days hold great expectations (God, I hope not literally, that book is torture), and I must dress to impress the new headmistress… not that she’ll notice anyway but no, we have to be instilled with a sense of responsibility in the way we dress and are herded like cattle through the gates of hell into the hands of anally retentive mini satans that poke us with sticks when we step out of line. Their perceived line, of course. There isn’t really one but they just like to be anal, and in charge, and general pains in the arse and forbidding of freedom of expression through clothes and accessories. Not that all of them are like that. Just the school faculty and head teachers and what not – “Them Up There”. Way up, if you catch my drift.

Welcome the the wonderful world of modern education.

grow sick with regret

Leigh — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 13:59:47 +0000

I really hate myself sometimes you know? I’m a coward. And as much as I regret this, I know this. I never go outside of my bubble if I don’t want to, I never take a risk. I throw myself into stupid things, do reckless things but there’s more to courage than that. There’s determination, perseverance and sucking it up for once in your life and doing what can be done if you try. I don’t try, as in, at all so things pass me by, opportunities wane and disappear and my life develops into one continuous line of boring, linear, normality. (And it’s all my fault of course, so I can’t complain, but I do anyway because. Well, frankly, I’m a whiner at heart so there’s not much else I can do.)

And when faced with an opportunity, something will go wrong, horribly wrong but completely out of my control. But I have the chance to take it. But I won’t because I’m a coward and a pessimist and all I can think about is how wrong it went or how wrong it could go, and I back down. Run away and hide and bury myself in a hole. And wait there until its all over and let beat myself up over something that will probably never change. I’m me after all and being a coward is just part of who I am I suppose.

because i’m doing fine

Leigh — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 16:30:30 +0000

Having taken a graciously month long break from updating that I’m not even going to attempt to cover up neither am I going to bother apologising because, quite frankly, there’s no one to apologise to!

But I am here now because this is a new year, a new dawn and a new day… and I’m smiling, because this year is not going to a good one and I’m not going to pretend it will be.

I have to choose my GCSE options, by the 9th and I am, generally a very indecisive person, I’m also lazy and, put plainly, don’t give a damn about anything. So yeah, no pretending, no apologising, no pretences. I’m going to go into this thing head first and unrelenting in the stubbornness and laziness and carefreeness that borders if not falls directly into irresponsibleness that is me.

And I’m going to fucking smile.

bloody frucking YES, baby!

Leigh — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 10:45:12 +0000

Danny won yesterday and Sam pulled in today. So after hanging around town with Danny for a couple of hours ( it was cold and wet but I had fun) I came back home and pulled 1k out my arse and finished!

I won!

I WON!

Bow to my prettiful certificate, biatches!

Now!

I’m going to sleep.

i want a purple bar, damn it

Leigh — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 22:33:11 +0000

I’m busting my butt trying to make this, I’m still about 10k off and Liberty’s already won, evil cow that she is.

But three days and 10k to go and I’m still bloody procrastinating! I shouldn’t be on here! Argh!

oh boy, here we go

Leigh — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 22:32:43 +0000

Dad wants to read my NaNo.

My Father wants to read my NaNo, you know, the one with all the swearing and the innuendos and the just general wrongness! – I’m talking about my NaNo not my father.

I’ve managed to convince him to wait until December but damn… It’ll completely suck and I can’t get out of it and I’m so dead.

don’t make me roll my eyes at you

Leigh — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 22:31:19 +0000

For some odd, indeterminable reason, my mother dearest is under the incredibly false delusion that my participation in NaNoWriMo has something to do with her.

So she’s yelling at me because I’m falling behind and she’s yelling at me because she doesn’t understand, NaNoWriMo isn’t about making the perfect readable finished novel, it’s about 50k and nothing less.